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Someone wrote in to ask:

How do you keep from comparing yourself to others. This is a total mental issue. I really want to lose my weight but I want to work out after Phase 2 and be healthy. I just feel like if I don't do as good as others, then why bother!! You have been so amazing and have come so far so I just wondered if you ever had big troubles with this and how you overcame them? So, I know it's a mental thing and I probably need to just not worry about it.

I also wanted to tell you though that your mindset about knowing your body and not being so anal about "protocol" has been HUGE help for me in the last few days. If I feel like I need to mix my vegies I do it...no big deal! :)

Thanks for being so awesome and supportive.

Here's what I replied:

Comparing yourself to others is the result of years and years of media (tv, magazines, etc) and social training. It's emotional. The root of it is generally that some where as you were growing up, you bought into the "fact" that you're not good enough being yourself. You learned that [you think] you have to be better than or as good as someone else to be a "valid person" or even just to be loved.

A wise lady said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It was Eleanor Roosevelt. She said a lot of things like that, too. It must have been her basic message to the world that whatever media or "other people" have to say, what really matters is what you feel is right. In fact, she's the one who said, "Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

How do YOU feel about where you are? If you feel great then you need to just tell the onlookers that it's your body and you're happy, so they should be happy with you. Only you can give the power to others to make you feel one way or another. Ultimately, they don't live in your body. They live in theirs. It's up to you to decide what's right and what's wrong with your body.

Bodies, feelings, and emotions are a lot like religion to me. All are very personal, all can be contraversial. All must be defended at some point. And all of them have to be about your choices. They can't be left to someone else telling you what end is up. You have to decide that for yourself. I wouldn't want anyone else deciding what path I'm going to take in this life that will decide how/when/if I get to my happily ever after life. I refuse to allow anyone else to decide what my emotions are going to be. They're my feelings and, even if they're innappropriate, I have the right to feel them. My body is the same way. It's *mine* and I have the right to experience it in *my* own way.

For myself, my "ideal" weight, based on what the gov't puts out, is around 140#. Personally, I think I'll look like an absolute skeleton there and refuse to go below 160. (That amount of fat on my body, btw, puts me in the "obese" category still. lol.) When I get close to that number, I'll be closely monitoring how I FEEL in my own skin. It may be that my magic number, where I'm most comfortable is closer to 175. Ultimately, though, the point is that I want to be happy, healthy, and honor my body and self.

After all, if *I* won't honor what my body tells me is right, I'd still be out of balance & off-center.

My Mom doesn't want to go below 170. It puts her about a size 14, where she's very comfortable. She feels strong there and enjoys how she looks, feels, and is emotionally "perfect" around that size. She feels lovable there. She feels confident, secure, and GOOD at that size/weight. For someone else, that would be too high, but it's not about someone else. It's about her experience in her body and about honoring her emotions and feelings.

What you're up against is real and you need to examine where it came from, then relive it as much as you can and reprogram that instant so you can release it and do what's right for you, your body, and your emotions rather than what someone else has done or tells you.

As far as my mindset about not being anal about protocol goes, the object is to get to "Less of Me" any way we can. I do try to stay close to protocol, but I'm certainly not going to beat myself up over mixing veggies or anything else outside of it. As long as I'm seeing "Less of Me" in the mirror, does it really matter if I ate some onions and tomatoes with my lettuce? lol. Some days, you just need a little more wiggle room. Some days, you need to feel like you're getting spoiled so you can stay on protocol over the long term. :) Knowing my body is more important than blindly following what a doctor set up ages ago, who doesn't know about the quality of food today, who didn't design the protocol for women to begin with, and who's no longer with us to adjust the diet to take those things into account.

That's up to us now.

So, whatever works for me and I see "Less of Me" in the mirror and clothes, I'll let everyone else know what I did (and that it's not necessarily "on" protocol), as well as the results I got from it. :)

I hope that helps out!




  1. Jayme,

    You are so right on....it took me a little while to experiment, but now Im doing it with gusto, and Im owning everything I do. Im really going to go crazy (within reason, of course :)) on my R2-coming up in a little more than 6 weeks.

    Anyway, so looking forward to reading your questionnaire...can I include some of the info in this post for the book?

  2. Hurray! I'm so glad to read that you're owning what you choose to do!! It's a critical component to staying at your chosen weight once you get there.

    I completely spaced off your questionnaire (family stuff/ER visits/etc)... I must get that back out and continue answering it!

    You most certainly may use info from this post in your book...


  3. Discerning where we feel emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically "on" as I would say, is indeed such a personal thing. The more we get in touch with our inner balance point in all of these areas, the less the charts matter to us. Our own intuition is key, and you and your cute mother have obviously figured this out.

    I love hearing that your mother thrives at a size 14. We definitely live in an age of comparison. This has probably always been the case. We also live in a society that heralds the very thin, but there have been many societies in history who value the fullness of women. It's all relative.

    So, it does come down to feeling secure, confident, lovable, emotionally and physically strong and so forth, just as you said, within ourselves. Figuring that out is something worthwhile.

    I have always been small, according to everyone around me. I am 5'1, and the highest I've been is 116, except when I was pregnant. (I gained 60 pounds with my first, 55 with my second, and 45 with my third. Lost almost all of it fairly quickly).

    I do well around 100-102 pounds. That sounds small to most people, but when I am around 112-115, it means that I am not being conscious about my food choices. It means that my hormones go whacky because I've eaten too many carbs. The depression I suffer with is much higher. My energy lags. I don't feel strong physically. I feel bloated, tired, and sensitive. Not because I am a little bigger, but because my body literally doesn't function as well at that size, and neither do my emotions.

    For me, spreading love and light to others is a big part of what I want in life. When I feel good, I reach out more to people. As we all know reading this blog, weight means far more than looking a certain way. It's about achieving our goals and making more significant contributions to the world.

    May your success continue in amazing ways! Thank-you for sharing your gifts.


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